The appointment is still there

NOMIBOOK / PRACTICAL RELATIONSHIP GUIDES

Brand-owned educational article · Original examples

The appointment is still there: turning an apology into a proposed next step

At brunch, Noor made a joke about Callum’s appointment. The table laughed, and Callum went quiet. Later Noor said, “I’m sorry.” That matters, but it may not answer the parts still hanging in the air: that the joke happened in public, that Callum had previously asked for privacy, and that the appointment is still on the calendar tomorrow.

A repair does not need a perfect speech. It needs a focus. Chapter 5 of On Your Side Again suggests choosing one hurt and asking what is unfinished. The answer may be acknowledgment, a practical consequence, behavior that must stop, or several of these. It is not a demand that the person hurt make a plan, give reassurance, or forgive.

Try three small steps

  1. Name the action before the intention. Noor might say: “I made your appointment into a joke after you asked me not to talk about it. I’m sorry.” Explaining that she wanted to lighten the mood can wait; it does not change what she did.
  2. Make a specific proposal, then leave it open. Because the audience heard the remark, Noor could offer: “I can send a short correction to the people at brunch, but I will not mention the appointment or our private conversation. Would that help, or would you prefer I do nothing publicly?” Callum can accept, alter, decline, or take time.
  3. Own the future action. Noor can decide that health information is off-limits for jokes, note it privately before the next gathering, and stop herself without waiting for Callum to remind her. They might agree to revisit the issue next week, or Callum may prefer no review at all.

A question from the book to apply

Reusable Page 05 asks, “What will I do differently?” Add when and how you will handle obstacles without relying on your partner to remind you. In this example, the obstacle might be a social moment where Noor feels tempted to fill silence with a joke. Her plan could be to change the subject or ask someone else a question instead.

The page also asks what limits need respect. That is essential here: Callum does not owe a quick answer, warmth, or permission to disclose medical information. A correction cannot undo embarrassment, and a changed habit cannot make hurt disappear on schedule.

This is an ordinary repair example, not a solution for fear, coercion, threats, or retaliation. Where safety is a concern, a shared exercise may not be appropriate. On Your Side Again offers the physical book and companion worksheet pages for readers who want a structured way to put one repair proposal on paper.

Explore On Your Side Again and One Repair Plan.

On Your Side Again by Nomi B. cover

A place to work through the next step

On Your Side Again is a physical book with companion worksheet pages. Purchases of two or more books include printable A4 companion worksheet PDFs.

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Try the small step in this article first. You can return when you want a structured place to reflect. Participation is voluntary; a book cannot make another person engage or change.

Book reference: Chapter 5: printed pp. 52–60 / PDF pp. 53–61; Reusable Page 05: printed pp. 232–233 / PDF pp. 233–234